What to Wear (and Sew) When Nothing Fits? Rebuilding My Wardrobe from Scratch

"Congratulations! When are you due?"

"Mommy, how come your belly looks so OLD and WRINKLY and PREGNANT?"

The first comment is from a nurse when I went for a doctor's visit several weeks after giving birth. The second is from my daughter, who happily has no clue as to why this sort of comment might make Mommy feel less than totally amazing.

I've tried over the years to develop a magic body image "bubble of peace", in which I dress for and embrace whatever size and shape I am at the moment, avoid incessantly comparing myself to others, and shut out impossibly Photoshopped and personal-trained skinny celebrity imagery. But sometimes it is harder than others and I really have to pull out the Joan photos and the pictures of some beautiful real-life moms and gorgeous women of all shapes and sizes to calm myself down. This is one of those times.

If you read this blog regularly, you might be wondering: what's with all the baby clothes and doll-making lately, Mikhaela? Where are the vintage patterns, fitted cardigans and otherwise body-conscious garments you used to sew for yourself?

Readers, eight weeks out from having my gorgeous little baby boy, I am in a serious postpartum style and body-image funk. I realized this week I really need to Do Something to Feel a Little Fancy or I might just sink under Mom Frump Lake never to be seen again. In fact, the photo at the top of this post IS me post-partum... with my previous baby, in 2010. Er...

Every day I feel like I wear the same thing: too-loose maternity top + too-loose maternity leggings/jeans + me-made wool socks + ugly old sneakers. I'm carrying diapering stuff in a disintegrating 10-year-old backpack. The only pretty accessories I'm wearing are my wraps and ring slings...

Nursing baby in line at the thrift store in a silk sling while wearing ugly old sneakers

Luckily this guy is so cute hopefully no one is noticing.

Anyway. Right after D was born, I mostly lived in stretchy nursing nightgown/dresses (see one of my most popular blog posts ever: "Easy Access: Nursing Nightgowns that Double As Dresses"). You can't see my belly in this photo, but I still look rather pregnant.

And really, I still feel pregnant-looking today, and it is bumming me out. I feel silly feeling bad about the same belly I was so excited about when I was pregnant, but I have even been congratulated a few times on my pregnancy and it HURT (though I was with my baby at the time, so I was also PUZZLED).

I've lost over 32 pounds since giving birth, but I gained a whole lot more than that, and things are just CHANGED in various ways — my bust and waist are both 4" larger than pre-pregnancy (though my hips are just 2" larger), I have a 3-months-pregnant-looking tummy, and everything is just more, I don't know. Squishy? And I'm not going to get into nursing bras here (that's a whole post of its own!) but I'm currently rocking a 34I (as opposed to my previous 32E).

So rather than sitting around in milk-covered old maternity clothes and feeling sorry for myself, I think I need to take some thrifty body-im-limbo wardrobe rebuilding action. Here's my little plan so far:

1. Stop wearing maternity clothes. Just STOP.

I think I am at the point now where it is no longer cool or working for me. I may still live in leggings and stretchy skirts and knit tops for a while, but I would like them to be actually fitted and not baggy around the middle. I've sold most of my nicer maternity clothes on eBay and given away or donated the rest.

2. Assess my pre-pregnancy items and TNT sewing patterns for fit & nursing friendliness

"One size fits sizes 2-12. Seriously." So goes the tagline on a pretty Gala wrap dress from Karina I was ogling for inspiration the other day. It's way out of my budget but just the sort of thing I need to make or buy right now — nursing-friendly, super-stretchy, a bright and distracting print, fitted and curve-hugging, but not too tight around the belly.

Luckily I have always been a fan of knits, stretchy things, wrap styles and surplice tops. A few of my me-made dresses have necklines too high and tight for a breastfeeding mom, but most are just fine. As far as TNT items I hope to sew again, I think I might do a few variations on my McCall's 6070 dress, maybe a top version too. I don't look like this in it right now, but it totally still works on me:

And I think I can play around with versions of my beloved Jalie 2921 scarf-collar top, which somehow still fits as well:

My me-made handknit sweaters are holding up just fine, and hopefully I can finish up my Hetty cardigan by Andi Satterlund in time for Me Made May... here's where I left her:

As for fabrics to make tops and dresses in, I have plenty of ITY and rayon jerseys waiting in the stash:

From Spandex House:

From Mood:

3. Fill major wardrobe holes.

The biggest gaps are in the jeans/legging, shoe and nursing top categories. As much as I'd love to try my hands at a pair of high-waisted Gingers, I'm not going to sew fitted jeans while my body is still so much in flux, so I hunted down some cheap second-hand shapewear jeggings and leggings on eBay from Spanx and Yummie Tummie—we'll see how they fit.

I'm not sure what to do about shoes right now. I somehow seem to have destroyed most of my comfortable flats by walking them to death while pregnant.

I picked up some nursing tops on deep deep sale from BOOB nursingwear, thrifted a few non-nursing tops and camisoles that work just as well for that purpose, and hope to sew some for the Small Human Being Sew-Along.

4. Embrace shapewear.

I've always had a few shapewear items to wear under special occasion dresses, but I think at least for now I might start wearing such things on a more daily basis. (That's more vintage style anyway, isn't it? Right?)

5. Never talk myself down or talk about weight in front of my daughter.

Which is apparently working, given her comments referenced at top. I felt like I was going to cry, but she was just genuinely curious—my squishy post-baby belly was just interesting to her.

6. Get fancied up for the camera

This always helps, and is one of the reasons I love Me Made May. Just the act of PLANNING what I am going to wear knowing that blog readers will be watching and putting on a tad of makeup instead of just throwing on WHATEVER... well, it helps. (Edited to add — speaking of photos, how awesome does this mother of three look in her bikini, with her squishy belly and stretch marks? Maybe a smile is the best accessory here!)

(By the way — if I had the budget, I would totally book a session with retro pinup style photographers Shameless Photo—they do hair, makeup and wardrobe as part of their packages and their photos are just amazing!)

Anyway, that's my tentative "fight the new-mom frump" plan. So: what do YOU wear when nothing fits?

P.S. Back in my pre-mom cartoonist days, I used to draw a sarcastic regular series about body image called "Your Yucky Body." One installment I did was about the rise of the "Mommy Job", a popular package of post-partum plastic surgery. I think nowadays this cartoon maybe feels a bit judgmental to me of women who choose to have plastic surgery, but I think my real point was more about how women are made to feel ashamed if they don't somehow "bounce back" and have flat stretch-mark-less bikini bodies weeks after giving birth:

I almost had my baby in the car (Welcome Baby D!)

Family portrait with baby D at two weeks old

So as you may have guessed from my blog silence, I FINALLY had my baby. Our surprise baby boy D arrived in dramatic fashion a few weeks ago, at 41 weeks and 2 days along, and we were SO happy to meet him.

And yes, I did almost have him in the car on the way to the birthing center.

I had gone into labor during the night, and my father had rushed my husband and I to the birthing center around 3 a.m. when my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. (And I really do mean rushed -- he went through a number of red lights and we were stopped by a police officer... who then escorted us through lots of OTHER red lights when he realized I was in labor).

Around 8 a.m., I was sent home due to failure to progress... but a few hours after we got back home I realized baby wanted to be born, like NOW. Somehow (with help from husband and doula and my dad) I managed to get back in the car and hold back from birthing baby for the agonizing half-hour ride. My water broke a few minutes before we got there, I (literally) crawled up the icy cold steps of the birthing center, they rushed me into a room and baby D was born about 15 minutes later. With his arm stuck next to his head (UM, OUCH!) So much for using the waterbirth tub!

We — me, husband, big sister Z - are of course absolutely in love with him and couldn't be more thrilled. The birthing center practices early discharge and let us go home seven hours after he arrived. Here I am with my two babies right after getting home:

He really is the spitting image of his big sister as a baby, except that he doesn't have a dimple on his cheek. I of course HAD to dress him in hand-knits to go home, even though the sweater was a bit on the large side. This are the Aviatrix hat, Puerperium cardigan and Gansey booties I blogged previously:

The newborn-sized going-home outfits I had sewn were also too big at the time, but now at two-and-a-half weeks old he is barely fitting into them lengthwise--he is a tall baby!

And a hungry baby. We have been having some really painful (and I mean me screaming and crying a lot type of painful, especially the first week) breastfeeding challenges--tongue tie, lip tie, clamping, shallow latch, cracks, blisters and more... but milk supply is not one of those challenges. Kiddo was born 8 lbs. and 9 oz. and yesterday we learned he has gained more than 20 oz. (1.25 lbs!) since birth. And things are finally on the upswing for me pain-wise after getting help from two lactation consultants and an ENT. PHEW.

Now I can relax and just enjoy the snuggles and sleep deprivation. I've even been getting in a little knitting while D sleeps in the sling, finishing up my second Knotty glove:

But mostly I've just been nursing this kid and trying to squeeze in naps when I can. Which I should probably do right now, in fact.

But I also kind of just want to sit here and stare at him. I already can't believe he was ever this tiny — this is him with big sis Z at 1 day old:

I guess this means I might as well ditch all those girly dress sewing patterns (including a lot of lovely Oliver + S ones) that Z has outgrown... luckily I have a good stash of Ottobres.

Me-made maternity at 40 weeks + last-minute glove, sock + doll-making

Didn't sew any new maternity clothes this pregnancy but the maternity tops I adapted from the Jalie 2005 T-shirt pattern last time are still going strong

Last time as I approached 40 weeks of pregnancy I was a total mess: impatient, fidgety, worried, nervous, and more, obsessing over whether baby would arrive "on time" or not, and how much maternity leave time with actual baby I would lose as the days ticked by.

This time I swore it would be different, because "babies come on their birthdays, not on their due dates", as my Hypnobabies birthing class instructor told us. Once I started maternity leave (which was yesterday) I would be relaxed, I would be zen, I would catch up on sleep, finish up craft projects, tidy up the apartment, bank some extra meals in the freezer...

This sounds hilarious to me now as I sit here at my computer compulsively refreshing statistics on the likelihood of giving birth on any given day (today's probability is about 8%, in case you were curious). I have had three false alarms in the past week that I could have SWORN were the real thing, my parents are staying with us so they can babysit our daughter when the time arrives, my maternity leave is ticking away, and we are all just WAITING waiting waiting. I have never been a patient person, so why start now?

Which is why I am currently slowly knitting myself a pair of gloves with size 000 needles (i.e. needles so thin they are basically pieces of straw that feel like they are about to snap at any moment)...

These are the Knotty gloves by Julia Mueller (free pattern!) in Studio Avenue Six Bellwether Sock I had started knitting a year ago, but they were coming out way too big for my tiny hands on size 0 needles and I didn't want to try and rewrite the complicated chart pattern...

Sub-zero double pointed needles are hard to find (none of my local yarn stores carry them) but I finally located the Blackthorn needles pictured in that top photo at WEBS (aka yarn.com) in sizes as small as 0000, frogged the original gloves, and started over. We'll see!

And I made more baby socks, because, well, why not? These are the free Jellybean Baby Socks pattern from Spud and Chloe in Malabrigo Rios Glazed Carrot, and they took mere hours to make in a nice thick worsted weight. I misjudged foot length so these are too big for a small baby, but huge feet run in both my and husband's family, so I'm sure they will fit before long:

Little Ms. Z and I are also finishing up a few doll projects — a big snuggly mermaid she designed for her one-year-old cousin:

And a superhero doll with flaming red rocket boots for Z herself. The doll's name is Super Ruby (Z's secret hero identity) and she has a theme song and everything. She's going to have curly brown bouclé yarn hair (not pictured):

I'm also getting a last few wears out of my me-made maternity clothes from my last pregnancy, since two kids is a just right for us. (And trying not to be bothered by the people asking me if I've had baby yet, because, well—wouldn't that be rather noticeable?)

OK, back to refreshing those statistics...

Finished: Blue Green Bowerbird Wrap + Graphic Knits Pattern Picks (25 weeks pregnant)

Stripes are a close second to polka dots in my pattern happiness book. So when I was invited to join the blog tour/knitalong for Graphic Knits: 20 Designs in Bold Beautiful Color—the new book from Interweave by my favorite knitting designer ever, Alexis Winslow—I immediately gravitated towards the Bowerbird Wrap, a soft, squishy loosely-knitted ribbed, cabled, striped and tassled wrap made from luscious silky merino yarn:

It was the perfect knit for this tired pregnant lady—the cables and stripes and super soft squishyness of the yarn kept me going, but it was simple enough to take on the subway or bus, or work on during my Hypnobabies birthing class or while watching my daughter as she splashed around in the bathtub or built time machines in the living room from chairs and sheets. The staggered cable pattern was fun, but easy to memorize.

The basics:

Pattern: The Bowerbird Wrap by Alexis Winslow from Graphic Knits (Interweave).

Yarn: 3 colors of Malabrigo Silky Merino, a lovely soft hand-painted DK weight silk/wool-blend yarn. I used slightly over 1 skein of "412 Teal feather" for Color A, 1 1/2 skeins of "406 Narciso" (a chartreuse) for Color B, and slightly over a skein of "196 Mares" (a gorgeous painted deep blue purple) for Color C... about 585 yards in total.

Needles: The pattern recommends size 11 to start (to create a loose squishy double-sided ribbed fabric with the DK weight yarn), but I'm a loose knitter, and got gauge with size 9 needles.

Raveled: Here.

I would definitely recommend this project for a knitter of any level, even an advanced beginner. The only even slightly tricky bits are the cables at the edges, the color changes (I used a back join), and the twisted fringe finish. There's no fitting, no short rows, no stranded colorwork. And the ribbing makes it reversible—essential for a scarf or wrap.

It makes for a versatile garment. Wrap it...

Drape it...

Or wear it as a snuggly scarf.

Seriously, this thing is really snuggly. I'm glad I sprung for the actual silk-blend yarn called for in the pattern instead of using plain wool or alpaca.

Anyway. You know I mean it when I say that Brooklyn-based Alexis Winslow is my favorite knitting designer, as I've now made three of her garments, including my beloved chartreuse lace Georgina Cardigan (which actually works great for maternity, since it doesn't touch the belly) and my purple Delancey striped cardigan. Her designs are bold, figure-flattering, colorful, creative AND super fun to knit.

So please do show her some love and check out her first book Graphic Knits. When I am not hugely pregnant, I am most excited to make (suprise), the polka dot Sweetness Pullover (see knitalong here):

My other favorites are the wrap-style Orly Cardigan (love those staggered stripes!):

The Rook Pullover...

And the Danae Mittens:

So yes—please check out the patterns from Graphic Knits (you can see details for all of them on Ravelry), they are truly awesome. (And if you, unlike me, have an area of your middle resembling a waist, I highly recommend knitting along with the Sweetness Pullover!)

Disclaimer P.S.: I did receive a free review copy of Graphic Knits, but was not in any other way compensated or paid to knit the Bowerbird or write this post—I bought the yarn myself and wrote this post because I'm a huge fan of Alexis' work and hope her first book is a big hit so she can keep designing awesome knitting patterns!

P.P.S. So I will now admit that when I took all these photos in the early wee hours I hadn't finished applying the twisted cord fringe to BOTH ends of my wrap (I'll have to do tomorrow), but I think I managed to cleverly conceal that in my photos. Except now you know. Oops!

Taking a Mini Sew-Cation!

Between one thing and another — work, pregnancy nausea followed by pregnancy exhaustion, chasing my four-year-old around Brooklyn, taking an intense hypnobirthing class,* cooking overly elaborate allergy-free meals from scratch, life, the universe, you know — there hasn't been a whole lot of actual sewing going on around here. Knitting, yes (because that's what subway commutes are for). And even darning:

But not sewing.

And these summer and fall weekends have been too beautiful to justify making the kiddo stay inside and play Legos while I sew. I got myself a beautiful used Gazelle Dutch bike — that very serious type of 50-lb Dutch granny bike with the high handlebars, skirt guards, fenders, baskets, and so forth... and we got Ms. Z a Weehoo iGo Pro trailer bike to attach to my husband's bike now that she's outgrown her bike seat, and we've been taking family rides around the city:

But you know I'm a sewing gal, and you know my sewing machine and I have been missing each other, and that is why I am taking the next two days off of work to sew while Z is at school.

Things I will be doing on my sewcation:

• Tracing patterns.
• Cutting fabric.
• Sewing.
• Eating tacos I did not make myself from scratch.
• Drinking mocktails.
• Taking excessive numbers of Instagram photos.

Things I will resist doing on my sewcation:

• Reading blogs. (I know I need to catch up on all the amazing things you all are doing, but if I start diving into blog-land, no actual sewing will occur.)
• Watching moving pictures on screens (unless done while paying half-attention at the sewing machine).
• Cleaning, cooking, tidying, scrubbing, folding.

Things I hope to sew (or at least cut out or plan or SOMETHING—I doubt I'll get to all this in just two days):

• 1 maternity dress (Simplicity 1360, pictured at top of post)
• 1 pair maternity-ized Cake Espresso purple jeggings
• 5-6 pairs maternity panties from my TNT pattern (see middle of this blog post).
• A baby gift for a friend
• A going-home outfit for my own baby — a matching knit kimono-style baby shirt and pants.
• 1 nursing dress (Simplicity 1469, pictured at top of post)
• 1 nursing top (Simplicity 1469, pictured at top of post)

So that's the plan. Ms. Z is only in school from 8:40 a.m. to 3 p.m. each day, so we'll see how much I actually get done — but maybe it'll kickstart me back into finding a few sewing moments here and there going forward.

Wish me luck! It is also entirely possible I will end up napping the entire time and sewing a lone baby kimono shirt, but let's hope not.

*In case you're wondering why I am taking childbirth classes as a second-time mom, well, let's just say I had a rather long and challenging (as in 87 hours challenging) birthing time with my first child for which my basic childbirth education class left me completely unprepared. This time I am taking Hypnobabies and hiring a doula and I am quite positively set on hypnotizing myself into a much more comfortable — and less prolonged — birthing experience.

**Disclosure: Actions you take from hyperlinks within this blog post may yield commissions for polkadotoverload.com (quite likely to be spent on yarn or fabric).

Something else made during Me Made May... (plus: an owly baby hoodie and maternity sewing plans)

Halfway through Me Made May a few months ago, my husband and I got some exciting news—I was four weeks pregnant! We did not yet want to publicly announce, but I almost instantly developed an obvious baby belly and a quite expanded bustline and began to have trouble fitting into some of my favorite clothes, me-made and otherwise. (I think it's a second-time mom thing, as I didn't show at all with my daughter until I was at least 11 weeks along).

I didn't want to give up on Me Made May, so I just tried to suck in the belly in photos and even wear body shapers to try to hide it on the blog and at work for the rest of the month... but by the last few days of May I was actually wearing some of the maternity clothes I made back in 2010, and various kindly people of New York were already starting to offer me seats on the subway. Can you spot it?

And then at about 6 1/2 weeks along, I suddenly was hit with a wave of nausea and exhaustion like no other, and am only now at 16 weeks starting to emerge into some semblance of normal feeling. All I've sewn in the meantime is a little baby hoodie for a friend's baby shower:

The nice thing about sewing baby clothes is how very short the seams are—they may have just as many pieces and bits as adult clothes, but before you know it, everything is done. This is from the wonderful Kwik Sew's Sewing for Baby book, and I made the same pattern for my own daughter Z when I was pregnant with her (did she not have the BEST little fro-hawk?!):

I'm now planning to embark on a modest maternity sewing and baby sewing/knitting spree—a friend of mine from the Brooklyn Sewing Club scored me a set of Simplicity maternity patterns on a $1 each sale (some of which are actually Megan Nielsen patterns!), and I'm super excited to make them up. Here are my top three:

Simplicity 1469 (which is also Megan Nielsen's nursing/maternity top/dress pattern):

Simplicity 1468 maternity wrap top (another Megan Nielsen):

Simplicity 1360 maternity dress or mini dress:

I'm probably not going to overdo the maternity sewing, as I have quite a few maternity me-mades left over from last time and have been able to score a lot of great items free or thrifted (like the top in the photo). But I think at least a few warm maternity tops, a pair of wool jersey leggings, a long-sleeved dress and a wool jersey skirt for winter are in order, since I'm due in January. I might focus more on adding to my nursing-friendly-top-and-dress stash, as that will be something I can wear for at least two years, not just the next five months.

P.S. Our daughter wants to name the baby "Text Message Wood", "Tree Wood" "Apple Wood" or "Brothy Sisty Wood" (Wood is husband's last name). We will not be taking her up on her suggestions.

Do you have more fabric than, um, actual clothes?

A lovely cotton stretch woven print purchased at either Mood or Paron's a gajillion years ago and never made into anything... YET

Cause I do. Thanks to some ruthless post-pregnancy closet curating (aka purging) this weekend, I realized today that I might have more storage space devoted to sewing and knitting supplies than I do to actual wearable sewn, knit and RTW items. I now have eight small drawers and half a closet for all of my clothes and shoes in the entire universe (including off-season clothes, special occasion clothes, etc)... and six very large drawers and a sewing cabinet full of fabric, yarn, patterns and suchlike.

And remember, I live in an 850-sq-ft apartment with my husband, a baby, two cats, and my mom (she stays with us during the week to watch Z). So my definition of ruthless purging might be different than yours... Also remember: this is AFTER a series of similarly harsh fabric, pattern and yarn destashings.

What does that say about me? That I'm forward-thinking, and ready to accept lovely new clothes into my life? That I'm living in a fanciful future, and not the actual present? Hmm....

It certainly makes getting dressed easier, since my options are so limited--most of the pre-preg clothes I didn't donate away are just SLIGHTLY too tight now to zip up.

And I'm really getting some serious wear out of that reversible skirt... even though I sewed it 35 lbs ago! The black swiss dot side is one of only two solid-color skirts I own that fit, and I'm kind of digging the patterned edge that accidentally peeks out at the hem, though it annoyed me at the time.

(Apologies for evening flash photos and my messy hair--I had my mom snap these when I got home from work as I don't have time for morning shoots these days).

How about you, dear readers?