"Someday you might sew me... I looked really awesome on your friends!"
Dear Burda Style 2010 back issues falling off my bookshelves and spilling into my pattern drawer,
STOP MOCKING ME. I know I don't sew as often as some of your other lady friends, but it's not that I'm afraid of tracing or anything.
It's just that well, you showed up EVERY SINGLE MONTH that I subscribed to you and some months I can't even pull out my sewing machine, never mind dive into a sea of criss-crossing colored lines and extract a stylish colorblocked knit dress.
And sometimes I leaf through you and circle ideas for things I might make someday, but then I don't, and I think you're laughing at me.
By the time you sent me the maternity-themed-issue above, I was already in labor (for FIVE days I might add, not that that's your fault or anything). What's up with that?
To be honest I've only ever sewn one Burda Style magazine pattern and it was awesome, but the experience of altering it for maternity and deciphering the binding instructions left me a little exhausted.
Please stop pretending that somehow, someday I am going to stand on the beach with the wind in my hair and say "oh, you know... I just traced up this Burda Style pattern last night and threw it together on my serger without making any mistakes. No big."
I just can't take it anymore. I know you are awesome and economical and have cool trench coats and unusual blouse construction and smarter, better fit than the Big Four and if I was a lot cooler, I would find the time to hang out with you.
But I just don't think we belong together anymore.
So yeah. I'm selling you all on eBay starting at $1 each. I hope you can find a faster friend who will trace you like there's no tomorrow.
P.S. Please don't be offended that I'm keeping my Ottobres.